Life is like driving a car on a bumpy road. Just as there are smooth portions, there are bumps too. And just when you are picking up the pace, speed-breakers are bound to appear. So, the main thing is not to pull the brake but to have the courage to again push the accelerator and keep on going.
Just as we are dealt with problems, we have also been given ways to cope with them. The two most common ways we humans use to deal with difficulties are fight and flight, i.e. either we tackle the problem with aggression or we refuse to deal with it and choose to run away. However, neither of these methods is appropriate.
We, humans, have been blessed with the power of verbal communic
ation. However, we always fail to put that power to good use. Problems that can be solved by using verbal assertiveness are complicated further by the improper use of fight and flight. When, in actuality, verbal assertiveness is the rightful method that should be used for handling disputes, it is also this very method that is always ignored.
Assertiveness is the quality of being self-assured and confident without being aggressive. For this outstanding approach, we have Manuel J Smith to thank. Manuel Smith is a clinical-experimental psychologist and also the author of a few books that help us to understand what assertiveness is all about. In the late 1970s, Doctor Smith was a pioneer in the life changing assertive program. He teaches us how we can verbally assert ourselves in controversial situations that are a very common occurrence in our daily lives.
By verbally asserting ourselves, that is, by clearly stating what we want without using
any other underlying emotion with the purpose of manipulating the other person into submitting to our will, we are also creating a healthier relationship with the person.
However, using fight/flight instead, where we are willingly allowing ourselves to be intimidated and do not even try to voice our opinions will cause us to become socially awkward. Feelings of anger, fear and depression will invade our mind, ultimately leading to frustration, for not being able to properly interact verbally.
By taking a stand for our rights and not making ourselves susceptible to manipulation, i.e. by being assertive, we can ensure having better skills of communications which would help us to be socially active and have healthy relationships with other people.
For better coping, verbal assertiveness should be practised instead of fight and flight as the benefits of assertiveness are countless, a few of which have been listed below:-
- Assertive people always feel free to express their thoughts, feelings and desires
- They don’t have problems in interacting with others and thus, are socially active.
- They know their rights.
- Assertive people don’t always do as they please but also make compromises when the situation calls for it.
Let us start our effort of having a better life by implementing the fundamental methods of assertiveness.
